I tried to talk to my mom this morning, I wanted to open up but she wouldn’t listen…..
It’s really hard to open up,…. my mom doesn’t know what I’m goin’ through….
I just can’t trust anybody right now, not even Christian, not even my own mom…..
I know it’s a tough decision to make but I’m keeping my baby…..

Bewildered, that is how I describe myself at this time. I’m so stupid talking to myself, but I know it’s just my way to relieve myself from this dilemma. I’m pregnant and the guy I was expecting to stand by my side is nowhere to be found, it turned out that the man I love and adore doesn’t have the guts to make a stand in this kind of situation, he is such a creep, just a damn boy hiding in a man’s body.

I grew up in one of those big houses in a posh village in Alabang. Me and my younger brod grew up with my mom, our dad left us several years back and may iba ng family. My mom is a very successful businesswoman, she has ventured in the real estate business as well as a custom’s broker, madami rin siyang boutiques sa greenhills at dito sa alabang. Most of the times nasa labas ng bansa ang mom ko to tend to some important business matters, I do understand her, alam ko na nililibang niya lang ang sarili niya dahil mula ng iwan kami ni dad, duon ko napansin na sobrang ibinuhos ng mom ko ang time niya sa business niya, it’s ok for us kasi lahat ng gusto naming magkapatid ay nabibili namin, pero may times na alam ko kulang kami sa atensyon, kalinga at pagmamahal.

Throughout my life as a student, I spent my studies in the finest and most expensive schools. I was a good student at parating matataas ang grades ko, hindi rin ako palabarkada, a homebody I would say. Wala lang trip ko lang parati sa house at manood ng DVD as well as magsulat ng mga poems sa computer ko. When I graduated in high school my mom enrolled me in one of the most prestigeous colleges in the country, exclusively for girls at mga madre ang nagpapatakbo. It’s quite funny dahil dapat di-makabasag pinggan ang mga students sa shool na yon pero dun ko nakasama ang mga super galawgaw at super lalanding mga classmates ko and they influenced my life a great deal. We all came from well to do families, daughters of successful businessmen and businesswomen, politicians, career parents and the likes. At young age, most of my friends were very adventurous and unti-unti na akong nagiging palabarkada, unti-unti na akong sumasama sa mga gimikan and I know I was enjoying what we were doing then, we hang-out in bars, spent nights in tagaytay, house parties and a lot more. Unti-unti na rin akong nagiging aware sa sex because some of my friends were having bf’s and naririnig ko sa kuwentuhan ang mga things na ginagawa nila. When I reached the age of 18, my mom bought me a new car as a present for my debut and I had to enrol myself in a driving school, since then mas napadalas na ang paglabas ko ng bahay. Naging conscious na rin ako sa sarili ko dahil feeling ko dalagang-dalaga na talaga ako and all my friends were telling me na maganda at sexy daw ako.

One night, I was alone in my room and I was standing infront of the mirror, tama nga ang mga friends ko maganda talaga ako, I got my features from my dad na half spanish-half filipino, I even winked to myself in the mirror dahil ako mismo ay nagandahan sa face ko. Then hindi ko alam kung ano ang pumasok sa mind ko kasi isa-isa kong inalis ang damit ko, pati ang bra at panty ay hinubad ko rin. I can’t believe how sexy I was, my reflection in the mirror was like a goddess, ngayon ko lang napagmasdan ng hubad ang sarili ko and I noticed that all the curves fall into the proper places, my breasts were firm and my nipples were pink in color, looking into my own body naramdaman ko na tumitigas ang mga nipples ko. Then I looked at my flower, just a few strands of hair can be seen above my bud, manipis pa siya. Maganda rin ang shape ng legs ko at bagay na bagay sa malapad na balakang ko, I can’t believe na puwede pala akong sumali sa mga beauty pageant. Then I slowly touched my own pussy, pahapyaw lang and by instict I put my hands to my nose and gosh medyo mapanghi yon. I immediately put on my robe and ran to my mom’s bathroom, I took one of her feminine wash and rinsed my own pussy in the toilet of my room. Since then I make sure to rinse myself with a feminine wash regularly.

Then one time may fair sa school namin and the campus was open for all people, may mga rides at mga gimiks, sportsfest atbp. My friends and I were so excited because it was not so often na may nakikita kaming mga boys sa loob ng campus namin. Then I got my eye on this particular guy, he was alone and was just looking around. He’s cute though may pagka-snob ang dating niya. I approached the guy and asked him why he was alone, he said na napadaan lang siya. I asked him if he wants to see the other things around, sabi ko may mga gift items rin na pwede niyang ibigay sa gf niya, I acted like a flirt talaga. He said that he doesn’t have a gf but would love to see the gift items and wanted to buy something for his younger sis. When we passed by my friends, nakita ko nakangiti sila at nagbubulungan. Nag-blush ako and asked myself kung ganito kaya ang feeling ng may bf, hahaha I was imagining things na agad. The guy bought 2 cute figurines of small angels, nagulat ako ng ibigay niya sakin ang isa, he said that it’s for guiding him inside the campus, the guy was not a snob at all. That was our first meeting na nasundan pa ng marami, by the the way, the guy’s name was Christian, my current boyfriend and the father of my child to be.

Christian was a student in a nearby university, he’s a year older than me. After ng first meeting namin parati na akong tinatawagan ni Christian at minsan niyayayang mag-date. He became my boyfriend just after 2 weeks of courtship, dala na rin ng pambubuyo ng mga friends ko. Just like most youngsters, mahilig din sa gimik si Christian and after school kung saan saan kami pumupunta, he was driving his own Nissan X-trail and parati niya akong sinusundo sa school, I would have to leave my car in the parking lot of my school at babalikan na lang namin yon after naming gumimik. We would go to antipolo, tagaytay and kung saan-saan pa, minsan kasama namin pati ang mga friends ko. At dahil din sa mga gimik na yon kaya ko naibigay ang virginity ko kay Christian. Everytime na lumalabas kami ni Christian, he would ask me to do a lot of things to him, at first hesitant ako sa mga pinapagawa niya sakin but kalaunan, nagugustuhan ko na rin at alam ko nalilibugan na rin ako sa mga escapades namin. Nung first time kong isinubo ang penis ni Christian halos maduwal ako and gusto ko ng umayaw pero hawak-hawak niya ako sa ulo at idinidiin sa penis niya and minsan even inside his car pinapa blow job niya ako. Pati sa sinehan we would kiss hungrily and may time na binubuksan pa ni Christian ang blouse ng uniform ko pag wala masyadong tao sa loob ng sinehan and he would eagerly suck my nipples, nahawakan niya na rin ang pepe ko pero that time sa ibabaw lang ng panty ko. Then one time, I remember nasa Tagaytay kami nun, it was a late night gimik and dun kami sa isang bar along Tagaytay road, open yung bar at madilim yung place and parang mga nipa hut lang siya pero may privacy. Magaling mambola si Christian, he whispered a lot of sweet words to my ears and ako naman si tanga madaling mauto, kinikilig ako at alam ni Christian na tinatablan na ako dahil dahan-dahan niyang pinagapang yung hand niya sa legs ko. Sinabayan niya pa yon ng mga kisses sa leeg ko and I know sobrang nalilibugan ako at sobrang ina-anticipate ang mga susunod niya pang gagawin. Naramdaman ko nung ipasok ni Christian ang kamay niya sa sides ng panty ko at alam ko basang basa na ako that time, humagod yung finger niya sa biyak ng pepe ko and napasinghap ako. Dahan-dahang nag taas-baba yung finger niya sa slit ng pepe ko and feel na feel ko ang kuryente non, nahawakan ko pa nga yung kamay niya para i-guide siya sa clit ko and naramdaman ko idinidiin niya yung tip ng finger niya don and gosh sobrang sarap parang napapaso ang pepe ko sa mga touches niya. Then naramdaman ko na nasa opening na ng pepe ko yung isang finger ni Christian, napahawak ako sa kamay niya dahil iniisip ko na baka masakit pag itinuloy niya ang pagpasok. Although feeling ko na sobrang sikip talaga ng pepe ko but nung ipasok ni Christian ang finger niya ay wala naman akong naramdamang sakit, basang-basa na kasi ang pepe ko that time and gosh nakakakiliti ang ginagawa ni Christian. Naglalaro sa loob ng pepe ko ang finger niya and there was a part inside me na pag nadadanaan ng finger ni Christian ay sobrang sarap ang nararamdaman ko, grabe talaga at alam ko darang na darang na ako, sobrang nalilibugan na talaga ako. Siguro nakikita yon ni Christian sa facial expressions ko kaya binulungan niya ako na mag-all the way na raw kami. Hindi ako umimik basta hinawakan ko lang uli ang kamay ni Christian para i-guide na maglabas pasok uli ang finger niya. Then naramdaman ko na hinahalikan uli ni Christian ang leeg ko pataas papunta sa left ear ko, isinubo niya yung left earlobe ko at dinilaan pati yung loob ng left ear ko habang yung finger niya naglalabas pasok pa rin sa pepe ko, gosh hindi ko na kaya, ako na mismo ang tumayo at hinila si Christian papunta sa car niya.

We ended up in a nearby apartelle, inside the room we started to kiss again, hindi pa rin nawawala yung init na nararamdaman ko and alam ko basang basa pa rin ang pepe ko. One by one tinanggal ni Christian ang buttons ng blouse ko at tuluyang hinubad yon sa katawan ko. Malaming ang aircon sa room pero hindi non kayang pawiin ang init na nararamdaman ko. Nakita ko naghubad na rin siya ng polo niya ang then he started to kiss me again in the neck and as before nanghihina ako, hindi ko alam pero sobrang tinatalaban ako pag hinahagod niya ng lips ang neck ko. Naramdaman ko hawak-hawak na ni Christian yung isang breast ko, lumalamas yung hand niya don while yung isang hand niya naman nasa tagiliran ko. Inabot ko yung strap ng bra ko sa likod at ako na mismo ang nagtanggal non, hindi ko alam pero sobrang horny talaga ako nung time na yon. Then bumaba yung lips ni Christian and he started to suck my left nipple and gosh, very stimulating ang pagsipsip niya sa nipple ko, parang binabalot ng sobrang kiliti ang body ko, his other hand was playing with my right nipple, pinaglalaruan niya yon sa gitna ng dalwang daliri niya. After non, naramdaman ko yung isang hand ni Christian na nasa likod ng skirt ko at ibinababa ang zipper non then nung tuluyan ng natanggal ang skirt ko humiga na kami sa bed. Christian was on top of me and nararamdaman ko na may nakabukol sa harap niya at idinidiin niya yon sa pepe ko, sa may panty. Then naramdaman ko na bumaba yung mouth ni Christian from my lips to my neck and down to my breast, palipat-lipat yung mouth niya sa pag-suck ng nipples ko, grabe dahil feeling ko sobrang sensitive ng nipple ko at tuwing hihigupin yon ni Christian mas lalong nababasa ang pepe ko. Then Christian’s hand was on my pussy, I felt his hand trembling at nagsimula uling humagod yon sa kahabaan ng pepe ko, sobra parang mawawala ako sa sarili ko kasi sinusundot-sundot na naman ng finger tip niya yung clit ko at pinapaikot-ikot pa yon dun. Later on Christian was kneeling between my legs and hinihila na niya pababa yung panty ko, I even helped him na hubadin yon kasi itinaas ko pa ng bahagya yung puwet ko, hinagis ni Christian yung panty ko sa floor then yumuko siya sa tapat ng pepe ko. Hindi ko alam kung pipigilan ko si Christian kasi first time na may makakadila sa pepe ko but then I was very hot that time na hinayaan ko lang kung ano ang gusto niyang gawin. Naramdaman ko yung tip ng dila niya na naglalaro sa opening ng pepe ko, gosh sobrang nakikiliti talaga ako, hindi ko alam kung mapapaihi ba ako lalo na pag tumataas yung pagdila niya at tinatamaan yung clit ko. Sobra kung makadila si Christian dahil feel ko yung malambot na tongue niya sa kabuuan ng pepe ko. Dinidilaan niya pati yung magkabilang pisngi non. When his tongue played lightly over my clit, hindi ko na napigilan, I felt a sudden urge to release my excitement and nasabunutan ko si Christian, inipit ko pa ang ulo niya ng legs ko and gosh heaven talaga ang feeling, feel na feel ko ang warm liquid na lumalabas galing sa insides ng pussy ko, grabe it was great talaga and first time kong maramdaman ang ganong klaseng sarap. It was considerably above everything na naranasan ko na before.

Then Christian was suddenly naked and was on top of me, naramdaman ko yung penis niya na nakadikit na sa pepe ko, I closed my eyes because I was quite nervous and excited at the same time. Naramdaman ko when Christian’s penis started to penetrate the gap between my pussy lips, nakapasok na yung head ng penis niya sa opening ng pepe ko, very much lubricated pa rin ako kaya yung sumunod na thrust ni Christian naramdaman ko pumasok ng konti yung penis niya but then may naramdaman akong hapdi. Then gumalaw uli si Christian, unti-unti niya uling ibinaon ang penis niya, halfway inside my pussy, naramdaman ko na hindi na makapasok si Christian at may hapdi na talaga akong nararamdaman sa pepe ko, I told him to slow down dahil nasasaktan ako but Christian was so stupid and was too horny to listen, umulos uli siya at napakagat labi ako, naramdaman ko na may napunit sa loob ng pepe ko and suddenly I was crying na. Tumigil lang si Christian nung nakitang umiiyak ako and he kissed me tenderly in the lips tapos tumingin siya sakin. Inirapan ko si Christian, naiinis ako sa kanya pero masuyo niya uli akong hinalikan sa lips. Matagal akong hinalikan ni Christian and somehow naramdaman ko rin yung tenderness at gentleness niya at napayakap ako sa batok niya. Siguro naramdaman ni Christian na medyo ok na ako kaya idiniin niya pa uli yung penis niya sa pepe ko, nandon pa rin yung pain pero kaya ko ng tanggapin, his kisses were helping me to relax myself. Then he started to pump slowly, parang punong-puno ang pepe ko talaga, I can feel na bukang-buka ang opening ko. Unti-unti ng nawawala yung nararamdaman kong hapdi and may kung anong feeling ang pumapalit don. Naramdaman ko nung sipsipin uli ni Christian ang magkabilang nipples ko at tuluyan ng nawala yung pain na nararamdaman ko, unknowingly sinasalubong ko na pala ang bawat thrust ni Christian and parang sobrang ina-anticipate ko yung pagbaon ng penis niya sa pepe ko, my excitement was increasing gradually and damang dama ko yung init na yon sa pepe ko. Christian started to pump wildly, mabibilis na ang pagbaon niya sa loob ko and mas gusto ko yun dahil everytime na babaon ang penis niya nararamdaman kong mas nadadagdagan yung excitement ko. All of a sudden, out of my own will napayakap ako ng sobrang higpit kay Christian and naramdaman ko na naman uli yung paglabas ng warm liquid sa pepe ko, the feeling was so satisfying, it was like being in heaven for a few seconds. Then I heard Christian moaning in pleasure and I felt his cum filling me up. After that gratifying moment, he kissed me tenderly and we slept naked together.

That was how I lost my virginity. After that night mas lalong naging makulit si Christian at everytime na may pagkakataon nagme-make love kami. Nakakasabay na rin ako sa mga chikahan ng mga friends ko, they even welcomed me to their so called “non-virgin” club. It was funny kasi minsan kino-compare pa namin yung sizes ng mga penis ng mga bf’s namin, oh well those were my naughty days. Christian and I were so carefree and minsan unpredictable ang mga trip niya, out of the blue bigla na lang siyang magyayaya sa kung saan, there was even a time na bumyahe kami ng baguio ng balikan, grabe sobrang nakakapagod and madaling araw na kami nakabalik pero ok rin dahil enjoy kami pareho, hindi ko matandaan kung ilang times nilabasan si Christian, basta we fondled each other in the entire trip to and from baguio, sobrang libog siya while driving gusto niyang nilalaro ko yung penis niya. Wala kaming kasawaan sa sex ni Christian and lahat na yata ng motels at mga apartelles ay napuntahan na namin, hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses or gaano kadaming times basta we were enjoying every act of our love making, we were not thinking then na sa murang edad namin, puwede palang magdulot ng malaking problema ang lahat ng mga escapades at adventures na ginagawa namin ni Christian.

Bata pa kami I know and hindi pa ganon ka matured ang isip namin pero minsan si Christian iniisip niya rin na baka mabuntis ako and he would use a condom pero most of the times pag umatake ang urge tuloy-tuloy na lang, we were not seriously taking any precautions, it is only now that I realized how important it is to practice safe sex.

I woke up one morning na mabigat ang pakiramdam ko and parang umiikot ang ulo ko, ilang days ko ng nararamdaman yon pero that morning mas matindi ang dating. I decided not to go to school. While resting in bed naalala ko ang menstrual period ko, I was expecting my period since last week pero wala pa rin up to now and I began to get nervous. Hindi ko alam pero malakas ang kaba ko, after a while I started to surf the internet and look for some articles about pregnancy and I was shocked dahil lahat ng symptoms nararamdaman ko and parang nanlalambot ang tuhod ko sa thought na baka buntis nga ako. In the afternoon medyo umayos na ang pakiramdam ko and I decided to go to a drugstore, I bought a pregnancy kit and examined my urine against it. I almost lost my mind ng positive ang naging result, very visible ang blue lines dun sa test kit, it was then that I started to cry.

The next morning nagpasama ako sa close friend ko. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala and somehow umaasa pa rin na mali lang yung result sa test kit and I decided to consult a specialist but to my frustration ganon pa rin ang result, there was no doubt that I was really pregnant. Inside the car I cried to my friend, I told her how afraid I was and she gave me a lot of comforting words and even cried with me. Then she told me to tell the whole thing to Christian, she told me that Christian has to now dahil dalawa kaming involved sa situation ko.

I talked to Christian about the problem, telling him in details all the clinical tests that I have undergone. I was frustrated by his reaction. There was fear in his eyes and he can not even utter a single word to comfort me. He was like a boy na hindi alam kung ano ang gagawin. That night I received a text message from him telling me that he was so sorry na ganito ang kinahinatnan ng mga escapades namin.

Yesterday I tried to call him up pero ilang gabi na raw na hindi umuuwi sa house nila si Christian. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nasa isip niya. Ganon ba siya ka-immature para hindi maintindihan na kaming dalawa ang bumuo ng baby na nasa tummy ko or maybe takot lang siya sa responsibilities. It was then that I realized how stupid I was to love him and I lost my faith in Christian.

With all my experiences throughout my childhood, one thing is for sure, I’m keeping my baby, this angel inside my tummy will receive my full love and attention and will grow up as a fine child with or without Christian.

Then I decided to talk to my mom about the matter but she was always in a hurry to go to work, mom is too busy I understand but I need her now.

Maybe tomorrow I will try to talk to her again or probably the day after tomorrow…. when she has the time to listen to my dilemma……

WAKAS